Flattery – a Subtle Art of Deception

Susan O • July 24, 2017

“Flattery is refined deception–it is the froth of language–it is the alcohol of social intercourse–it is the prescription of the subtle–and the nectar of fools.”    William Scott Downey

A flatterer is a person who often insincerely lavishes praise and compliments upon another person for a personal gain. Sometimes the flatterer is referred to as a brown-noser, bootlicker, yes-man, and suck-up. A flattering remark enlarges as it is an inflated expansion of praise. A person would not question such exalted words because it sounds and feels so good. On occasion, a client will tell me about wonderful words that were said to them that really inflated their sense of self as it also gave them pleasure like biting into a sweet, juicy, and delicious ripe peach. They will ask themselves the question can this person really mean what they said to me. The question that they ask themselves over and over again, “is it true”

Some people use praise to get their way or what they want by lavishing superlatives and flowery words upon another because it calls up an actual emotion in the other. Many people will eat that up like fertilizing compost that nourishes as well as sustains them. It reinforces their good feelings about themselves. As a manipulating tool it is a dissembler. Flattering adulation can veil the emotional manipulation. Such praise, admiration, and exaltations can cause a bewilderment and confusion in an individual. It might soften and disguise ones real perception about what has been said. It acts as a smoke screen by clouding the flatterer’s real intention. Then one is easily and craftily manipulated.

Both men and women can experience a particular sweet talker who expresses such smooth talking lines as if they are poured over them like a thick scrumptious gravy. In her song Strong Enough Sheryl Crow sings about flattery as a lie. These lyrics convey the emotional feeling that is generated by flattery.

Are you strong enough to be my man

Lie to me, I promise I’ll believe

Lie to me, but please don’t leave

I have a face I cannot show

I make the rules up as I go

Just try and love me if you can

The following fable clearly shows the use of flattery as a “dissembler.” It is a dissembler because it is a specific type of bending and stretching of a truth that a person would not doubt or have a reservation about, let alone question. Flattery can cause one to lose something of value.

The Fox and the Crow

A Fox once saw a Crow fly off with a piece of cheese in its beak and settle on a branch of a tree.

“That’s for me, as I am a Fox,” said Master Reynard, and he walked up to the foot of the tree.

“Good day, Mistress Crow,” he cried. “How well you are looking today: how glossy your feathers; how bright your eye. I feel sure your voice must surpass that of other birds, just as your figure does; let me hear but one song from you that I may greet you as the Queen of Birds.”

The Crow lifted up her head and began to caw her best, but the moment she opened her mouth the piece of cheese fell to the ground, only to be snapped up by Master Fox.

“That will do,” said he. “That was all I wanted. In exchange for your cheese I will give you a piece of advice for the future: “Do not trust flatterers.” ─ Aesop

“Nothing in this world is harder than speaking the truth, nothing easier than flattery.” ─ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

© Ozimkiewicz

A collage of a woman 's faces with different expressions.
By Susan Ozimkiewicz February 11, 2025
Chunks of water from my essence slips. Setting my heartbeat into rewind. With a heart heavy, my eyes spit
Rancid emotions, my teeth I grind. ─ Alozor Michael Ikechukwu
There are words that people never used, or ever explained. The experience of sudden silence.
By Susan Ozimkiewicz December 15, 2024
There are words that people never used, or ever explained. The experience of sudden silence, the unspoken words, the unanswered questions that haunt your mind. The “why” lives and ruminates rent free in your head sometimes day and night looking for the answer to the “why” when he or she do not find an answer. People seek to understand and ...
A black and white photo of a woman with her face covered.
By Susan Ozimkiewicz May 20, 2024
I am not I. An imposter assumes a false or fraudulent identity. On occasion a client will tell me that he or she feels like a fraud, an imposter. The person will say I do not know myself or who I am. I am afraid I will be discovered and exposed. Someone who experiences and suffers with this anxiety is always on edge because at any moment their identity will be ...
Susan Ozimkiewicz NCC LCPC: Life and Love ‒ Happy Valentines Day
By Susan Ozimkiewicz February 10, 2024
Every February 14, across the United States and in other places around the world, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint, and where did these traditions come from?
A woman in a red hat and coat is standing in the snow with her arms outstretched.
By Susan Ozimkiewicz December 8, 2023
January became the first month of the year about 700BC after the Roman King Pompilius added it to the calendar along with February. Janus is the ancient Roman god of beginnings and endings plus he is the god of gateways, gates, door and doorways. He had two faces one looking back and the other forward. As the opening line in T.S. Eliot’s East Coker said, “In my beginning is my end,” and in the closing line “In my end is my beginning” (1942). January ends the past and sets up the future; winter is the season when the world slows down. As snow falls and covers parts of the earth as an insulating blanket one knows it is winter time. People pull back their energy and hibernate too by the fireplace or under their soft and cozy covers. They might reflect on what was accomplished in the last year and formulate new ideas as seeds to plant for the coming year. Life seems to stand still. The vibrant energies of nature such as growth, vitality, expansion, and progress seem to disappear underground and stop dead in their tracks. The instincts and senses appear to withdraw from worldly distractions and stimulating diversions while a discontent can set in. For some it can be the winter of their discontent. Originally the first line of William Shakespeare's Richard lll was "The winter of our discontent." The interruption of the life force produces decay and a dark stillness possibly a dark night of the soul. Wintertime can contain contraction, restriction, perhaps decay. The beginning of the coming year might be characterized by a bone chilling coldness, a misery to be endured, and barrenness due to death of a way of living. "Write the vision and make it plain..." Habakkuk 2:2 During this seemingly slow passing of time some people will write down a list of resolutions, as they create a set of goals to commence implementing as the year begins, their hope is to harvest their ideas and visions through coming year. January is burdened with all our hopes that are pinned on those first 31 days. We cram a laundry list of goals into one month and try to make them all happen at breakneck speed. Inevitably, by February we are burnt out, and by the summer, our declared resolutions are long forgotten. A personal inventory and reflection on the mistakes and mishaps of the past year is a good place to start when there is a desire for the new. What do you want to see change? Be specific. Where could you have done better? No need to be down on yourself. Just take a look at the areas that are considered your weak points or disappointments from the last year and create a plan and vision for this coming year. Let's give January a break? If your goals are worth attaining, they will take time - much more than a mere month can offer. Plus the effort and energy it will take to accomplish those goals are too much to do all at once. Space them out. Some resolutions and personal goals can't be worked on immediately. Give your New Year's resolutions some breathing room. You've laid the ground work to achieving your dreams, and you can take the next year to perfect them. Learn from the previous year's mistakes and grow. Every year is another chance to do it. C.S. Lewis said, "You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." Here is an excerpt from Alfred, Lord Tennyson’s poem: In Memoriam, {Ring out, wild bells} Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky, The flying cloud, the frosty light: The year is dying in the night; Ring out, wild bells, and let him die. Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true. Ring out the grief that saps the mind For those that here we see no more; Ring out the feud of rich and poor, Ring in redress to all mankind. Wishing everyone a joy filled 2024!
A woman is standing on a balcony overlooking mountains with her arms outstretched
By Susan Ozimkiewicz October 8, 2023
"Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happen the way it happens: then you will be happy." — Enchiridion of Epictetus Ch. VIII:
More Posts
Share by: