Change Is Fearful

Susan O • March 24, 2014

As every second passes change is happening. Some people do not realize that as each second passes it will never exist again and has gone into the past. In one-second  change has happened. However, many of my clients feel stuck and some feel stagnant in their lives as they hold onto a sense of comfort, security or safety. They are experiencing Kainolophobia or Kainophobia- Fear of anything new.

Even though some people are aware of the need to make a change, they just can’t quite take the step and do it. Some types of change that only happens to you can be scary. Often it is so completely out of your control  with no time to  prepare for an adjustment and then acceptance. The actual changes that you make such as moving, job hunting, marriage, divorce, are in your control.  The changes that are thrust upon you produces fear and anxiety.

Decisions, picking and choosing can produce a fear of making a mistake. Fear of picking the wrong thing thereby you are not able to take action. The fear of success or failure can thwart you because you do not know what will be asked of you by the change that occurs.

● Reduce your fear by allowing yourself to be uncertain, unknowing and accepting the ambiguities in your life that happen from time to time.

● “What if” thinking is irrational because the “what ifs” have not happened. Generally, the worst that can happen is receiving a “no.” The feeling of rejection is very scary to many people. Even thinking about successful possibilities and outcomes are anxiety producing. Thinking about your ability to handle your success can cause great anxiety.

● Begin using small incremental thoughts toward accepting change versus hanging on to old ideas of security.

● Start with little bits of risk taking because excitement can feel like it is a close cousin to fear. Let your enthusiasm be a motivation within your own life’s possibilities and choices as new passions start to sprout.

There Are 5 Things We Cannot Change

And the Happiness We find by Embracing Them. ― David Richo

  1. Everything changes and ends.
  2. Things do not always go according to plan.
  3. Life is not always fair.
  4. People are not loving and loyal all the time.
  5. Pain is a part of life.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”
—- FDR – First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933

 

© Ozimkiewicz

A collage of a woman 's faces with different expressions.
By Susan Ozimkiewicz February 11, 2025
Chunks of water from my essence slips. Setting my heartbeat into rewind. With a heart heavy, my eyes spit
Rancid emotions, my teeth I grind. ─ Alozor Michael Ikechukwu
There are words that people never used, or ever explained. The experience of sudden silence.
By Susan Ozimkiewicz December 15, 2024
There are words that people never used, or ever explained. The experience of sudden silence, the unspoken words, the unanswered questions that haunt your mind. The “why” lives and ruminates rent free in your head sometimes day and night looking for the answer to the “why” when he or she do not find an answer. People seek to understand and ...
A black and white photo of a woman with her face covered.
By Susan Ozimkiewicz May 20, 2024
I am not I. An imposter assumes a false or fraudulent identity. On occasion a client will tell me that he or she feels like a fraud, an imposter. The person will say I do not know myself or who I am. I am afraid I will be discovered and exposed. Someone who experiences and suffers with this anxiety is always on edge because at any moment their identity will be ...
Susan Ozimkiewicz NCC LCPC: Life and Love ‒ Happy Valentines Day
By Susan Ozimkiewicz February 10, 2024
Every February 14, across the United States and in other places around the world, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint, and where did these traditions come from?
A woman in a red hat and coat is standing in the snow with her arms outstretched.
By Susan Ozimkiewicz December 8, 2023
January became the first month of the year about 700BC after the Roman King Pompilius added it to the calendar along with February. Janus is the ancient Roman god of beginnings and endings plus he is the god of gateways, gates, door and doorways. He had two faces one looking back and the other forward. As the opening line in T.S. Eliot’s East Coker said, “In my beginning is my end,” and in the closing line “In my end is my beginning” (1942). January ends the past and sets up the future; winter is the season when the world slows down. As snow falls and covers parts of the earth as an insulating blanket one knows it is winter time. People pull back their energy and hibernate too by the fireplace or under their soft and cozy covers. They might reflect on what was accomplished in the last year and formulate new ideas as seeds to plant for the coming year. Life seems to stand still. The vibrant energies of nature such as growth, vitality, expansion, and progress seem to disappear underground and stop dead in their tracks. The instincts and senses appear to withdraw from worldly distractions and stimulating diversions while a discontent can set in. For some it can be the winter of their discontent. Originally the first line of William Shakespeare's Richard lll was "The winter of our discontent." The interruption of the life force produces decay and a dark stillness possibly a dark night of the soul. Wintertime can contain contraction, restriction, perhaps decay. The beginning of the coming year might be characterized by a bone chilling coldness, a misery to be endured, and barrenness due to death of a way of living. "Write the vision and make it plain..." Habakkuk 2:2 During this seemingly slow passing of time some people will write down a list of resolutions, as they create a set of goals to commence implementing as the year begins, their hope is to harvest their ideas and visions through coming year. January is burdened with all our hopes that are pinned on those first 31 days. We cram a laundry list of goals into one month and try to make them all happen at breakneck speed. Inevitably, by February we are burnt out, and by the summer, our declared resolutions are long forgotten. A personal inventory and reflection on the mistakes and mishaps of the past year is a good place to start when there is a desire for the new. What do you want to see change? Be specific. Where could you have done better? No need to be down on yourself. Just take a look at the areas that are considered your weak points or disappointments from the last year and create a plan and vision for this coming year. Let's give January a break? If your goals are worth attaining, they will take time - much more than a mere month can offer. Plus the effort and energy it will take to accomplish those goals are too much to do all at once. Space them out. Some resolutions and personal goals can't be worked on immediately. Give your New Year's resolutions some breathing room. You've laid the ground work to achieving your dreams, and you can take the next year to perfect them. Learn from the previous year's mistakes and grow. Every year is another chance to do it. C.S. Lewis said, "You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." Here is an excerpt from Alfred, Lord Tennyson’s poem: In Memoriam, {Ring out, wild bells} Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky, The flying cloud, the frosty light: The year is dying in the night; Ring out, wild bells, and let him die. Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true. Ring out the grief that saps the mind For those that here we see no more; Ring out the feud of rich and poor, Ring in redress to all mankind. Wishing everyone a joy filled 2024!
A woman is standing on a balcony overlooking mountains with her arms outstretched
By Susan Ozimkiewicz October 8, 2023
"Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happen the way it happens: then you will be happy." — Enchiridion of Epictetus Ch. VIII:
More Posts
Share by: